Am I Selfish?

By Eleanor Pineau

Family caregivers of someone with dementia have a tough job. These Heroes are essentially on-duty 24/7. They direct not only their own lives, but the life of the person with dementia…to an extent. They are in-charge of personal care (i.e., bathing, toileting, grooming, etc.), meals, socialization, finances, housing – anything that goes into “LIFE,” falls on the family caregiver.

Family caregivers often become overwhelmed and stressed out. And we all know what stress can do to us! Stress breakscaregiver us down from the inside out; it’s with us almost 100% of the time; it makes us eat; it makes us stop eating; it makes us sleep non-stop; it makes us stop sleeping; it makes us gain weight; it makes us get physically sick. Stress can be traced to the root of almost all physical ailments, and absolutely worsens any physical or psychological illness.

After all family caregivers do, I still get asked: “Am I selfish?”

Am I selfish if:

  • I want to take a bath?
  • I want to go to the gym?
  • I want to go on a vacation?
  • I want to see my friends?
  • I don’t want to do it anymore?

These questions, among others, are completely normal. So what’s the answer?

You. Are. Not. Selfish.

It’s completely normal to want to take a bath, go to the gym, go on vacation, see your friends, and take a step back from caregiving. It’s also completely normal and even HEALTHY to DO those things! Do th
em!

If you find fulfillment, or a sense of pride, duty or accomplishment in caregiving, then do it. But know that you also need to take care of yourself. Helping someone in their time of need is one of the greatest gifts yo
u can give that person, AND yourself. But you shouldn’t go into caregiving every day with dread or feeling dispirited. So how do you stop or prevent feeling this way?

Take. Care. Of. Yourself.

I know it’s easier said than done, but go take a bath, go to the gym, go on vacation, see your friends, and take a step back from caregiving.

There are many community resources that can help you along the Dementia Journey. Meal delivery services can save you time so you have more time for yourself. Respite care is great because you can be assured your loved one is safe and well-taken care of while you can go see friends, go to the gym, or go on that trip you’ve been longing for.

It is incredibly important to take care of yourself so that you can continue to care for your loved one, and so that you don’t feel your life is on hold. Your life is NOT on hold. You are growing, developing, learning, and changing every day. Though you may not feel it all the time, you are tackling and overcoming one of life’s greatest challenges. You Are Thriving. Stay strong and continue to thrive by balancing caregiving and self-care.

Because we NEED YOU.

Please share in the comments your tips and tricks for making the Dementia Journey a little easier so you can put time into self-care 🙂

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